This article was emailed to me by a teenager. They asked to remain unnamed. This is a wonderful story we can all learn from.
“Cutting always seemed... surreal. I had heard about people who did it, and I learned about it. But I’d never met anyone who did it, or thought about doing it myself. Then in high school I did meet some people who had cut. Some you just noticed from a couple scars, some had a hundred up and down their arms. I never asked, never wondered. It was a accepted part of the world.
I was never depressed, but my life got stressful. I struggled with school, argued with my parents, and just felt overwhelmed. Then one day, I took a Swiss Army knife, and I pressed the cold blade to my skin. It barely cut me, just a red line, barely a smear of blood. But it changed me. That turmoil, the anger in me that I didn’t know how to express, it was let go like flood gates. I did it a couple more times, and soon it became a bad habit. Everytime I felt frustrated or upset I turned to the knife. I became addicted to using cutting as a way to solve my problems. I couldn’t express myself, or work through my feelings. I just cut them away. After a year had passed I looked at my arms. I saw the pale scars, and I didn’t like them. I had stained myself. I wished they were gone. I stopped cutting, I threw away my knife, and I tried to deal with my anger in a different way. It was difficult, I still didn’t know how to handle my anger and sadness. I had to cut my nails as far as they would go to keep myself from scratching my arms. I did learn though, I did eventually learn to try other things instead of hurting myself.
What people should understand is we dont really know why we cut. Somehow, someway, our anger and sadness seems to pour out through our cuts. It’s like a relief, a breath of fresh air. But it doesn’t help. It puts off our sadness and anger, and it doesn’t truly fix us. But we learn. I learned. My scars are fading now, and I’ve learned to talk, to be patient and calm. We don’t do it for attention, we don’t do it because we’re bored or crazy. We do it because we are lost, confused, and hurt. I regret it, but I am so grateful for what I’ve learned. Anyone who’s going through this, I encourage you to talk to someone, a parent, teacher, or peer. It’s cliche, but it’s true. Talking really does help. Don’t be afraid to reach out.”
Written by Unknown
April 19, 2018
End note: This writer was very brave to tell their story and I’m very grateful that they sent it to me to publish. I hope everyone who reads this learns a bit more about teens who have cut, and understand how hard it can be. If anyone is struggling with cutting, suicide, or depression, never be afraid to speak up and please reach out to someone, anyone.
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
- Lenny O’Mahony