I know, relationship advice from a teenager? I wouldn’t trust it at first either, but humor me.
Humans are social creatures, for the majority of us we need to form connections, interact and relate. Talking to each other can relieve stress, and we can even get depressed from loneliness. We need other people in our lives, people we can trust and rely upon. As a young adult, i'm just exploring the world of mature interactions, of deciding who I want in my life. I’m choosing what kind of people I want to surround myself with, and I’m quickly discovering some people who have only been detrimental to my development as a person. It's difficult to develop connections, to trust others, to create a healthy relationship, and to decide when you need to go.
Since I’ve been in highschool, I’ve learned that there's one key to every relationship.
Communication
Communication is the single most important thing to keeping a healthy relationship, and cutting out an unhealthy relationship. High school is filled with drama, gossip, and loads of BS. It's life's version of slapping you in the face. All of a sudden you realize that how you act, how you talk, even how you think, is all affected by who is around you. So, you have to choose who you keep around you. This is something we use throughout our whole life, this process of maintaining our relationships. So, how do you keep healthy relationships?
Well first, a healthy relationship does not mean perfect. No relationship is ‘perfect’. Everyone has ups and downs, which is something we have to accept. It's how we deal with these problems that will decide what kind of a relationship we have.
Give me any problem in any relationship; friendships, boyfriend/girlfriends, wives/husbands, bosses/coworkers. It can be resolved, or start to be resolved through effective and respectful communication. What do I mean by communication? Talking. That's it. Approach the person in consideration, and talk to them about the issue. Directly address the problem, consider how the other person feels, and how this affects them.
Conversations aren’t easy, but they work. Communicating is a two way road, it can’t just come from one person. Both people need to be honest, sincere, and most importantly, they need to listen. If you don’t listen to the other person, if you don’t consciously attempt to be empathetic, then you won’t get anywhere. Even if you know you are right, even if you are sure you know why someone acts the way they do, still listen. Still consider it from their view.
Empathy is the most important human characteristic, and the most valuable key to communicating. In most situations, all you think about is how the other person is acting. When a relationship is going bad, you look at how they are acting, what they did, or said. But take time to look at yourself, decide how you want to behave and be honest. I’ve realized many times that I’ve been at fault. And many times, I’ve realized that it’s my job to apologize. All i need to do is recognize I messed up, and apologize. If I communicate, relate to the other person, and behave sincerely, then I can fix the problem.
Communication is important in everyday aspects of a relationship, not just with fixing major issues. If you think someone misunderstood something you said, clarify. If you feel thankful for someone, tell them. And a important part to communicating with someone is desiring to understand them. Ask questions, try to understand what they feel or think. Open honesty and communication can help you create valuable relationships, and we all need friends.
That’s the conclusion of my rant on relationships. I encourage you to right now, right this second, be honest with someone. Be compassionate, empathetic, and open. If you realize they’re not listening, that they’re hurting you, or you can’t trust them, then move on. There's 7 billion of us on this little planet, and you only need a few to be happy.
Written by: Lenny O’Mahony.
December 15, 2018. 7:43 PM